what was in the box

"...we found several articles of interest -- both puzzling and intriguing, including:

• a full packet of instant borscht, from Ukraine, and manufactured by the Nestle company
• a photograph depicting an old woman, wearing a Santa Clause outfit and holding a giant candy cane
• a paper certifying one Harold O'Florcus as a member of the National Geographic Society
• and a compact disc edition of Lightnin' Hopkins - Texas Blues Man.

"Our first thought was that if this were the property of Harold O'Florcus, then Harold O'Florcus was completely batty. On the other hand, they don't let just anyone become a member of the National Geographic Society. Clearly, this would require further investigation and long hours of serious reflective meditation on the part of all officers involved."

Here, Sergeant Burke - Sergeant Simon Cowell Burke - produced an alto saxophone from somewhere below the podium and played Cissy Strut. This was the customary way the Sergeant ended all interviews, and signaled the assembled press that it was high time they all went home to dinner and a hot mug of tea.